It’s possible Goro planned to take a trip down to Cancun after stacking the Young family’s corpses next to a rusty old tractor in Cole’s ancient barn. Maybe Cole is a coke mule, and there’s a secret tunnel beneath his barn that leads directly into his bedroom and also to the Mexican border. Maybe Shang Tsung and Goro sat down and worked out some elaborate choreography that was supposed to lead to a successful nighttime assassination of Cole and his family. Anyway, my point is zapping Goro into a garage and having him waste the element of surprise because he can’t figure out how to work the damn door is really throwing the dice on your home invasion plan, particularly when you’re executing it in an Earthrealm nation that owns roughly half of the planet’s firearms. To be honest, they shouldn’t have even let you compete. You clearly have an edge in many contests, sir, but this is not one of them. Seriously, watching Goro wrestle with a simple wooden door that Cole’s teenage daughter presumably shoves aside every afternoon after school to store her bicycle is like watching a really jacked blind guy in a gun fight. Goro also has to struggle with all of his four-armed might to open that garage door, so already I’m getting some extremely mixed messages about the formidability of Shang Tsung’s operation. It’s like watching a magician’s assistant tumble out of the back of a Disappearing Man cabinet – not only do I now have serious questions about the existence of magic, but I must also ask how much you’ve had to drink today.
Whatever the case, instead of being able to spring out of the couch cushions or down from the ceiling to surprise Cole with Ambush Kombat, Goro has to struggle through a giant pitch-black garage that appears to have been built by Dust Bowl refugees.
So why then does Shang Tsung whisk Goro, the most fearsome warrior in the history of Mortal Kombat, into a musty dungeon full of abandoned fixit projects that will eventually be used as evidence in Cole’s divorce proceedings? Maybe they got into an argument that morning over Goro constantly expensing physical therapy sessions to train him how to treat a dislocated elbow. RELATED: ’Mortal Kombat’s Joe Taslim on Why Sub-Zero Is the Strongest Character (And Not Just Because He Plays Him)
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